"A Good Wife Always Knows Her Place"
Last night my friend forwarded me a picture sent to her by her grandmother from an issue of Good Housekeeping from the 1950s. As you can see, some of the more outrageous parts were highlighted.
This is pretty disturbing advice: "His topics of conversation are more important than yours...You have no right to question him." It boggles my mind that women would be content to live in such a subservient manner and also that men wouldn't want more out of a wife than someone who cooks, cleans and takes care of the children. Well, we've come a long way since the 1950's, thank goodness.
However, working women are still faced with tough decisions with regard to time spent in the office or home with the family. I always thought that I would have kids one day, but when I sit down and really think about it, I just don't know when that's going to happen. Certainly not during graduate school. I also think that I'll be too busy during my post-doc(s) and it's almost out of the question during the first few years in a faculty position when you are trying to build up a body of work for your tenure review. I'm afaid that by the time I get tenure (if I do), I'll be too old to want to start a family. I've also always harbored that idea that I will take the least amount of maternity leave time as possible and head straight back to work. That makes me feel kind of guilty though - what's wrong with me that I wouldn't want to stay home with my kids? There's a very interesting dynamic in academia, and probably in other professional realms, where women who don't have kids are often viewed as cold, ambitious workaholics whereas women who want a family are sometimes viewed as not taking their careers seriously enough. I don't know how some scientists and parents successfully do both, but I applaud them.
posted by Katie @ 9:18 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
once you had the kid you would want to stay home with them and not go back to work. presumably. i think, the more we have to do, the more we get done. you might find it not as impossible as you imagine. anyway raising kids is more important than career stuff, in general, for men or women. but that's not the prevailing wisdom in the west (or anywhere?) I guess. Probably because raising kids is *harder* that any career stuff, so we set up a system that makes it seem somehow better to do other things.
I'm thinking off the top of my head.
That article was probably written by a woman. But it stinks of a bit of desperation, I think. By '55 weren't the hints of change already popping up, here and there? I mean just a decade before women were working while all the men were away in Japan and Europe. And just a few years after that: the 60's. And I know in the 50s, in movies anyway, women were already portrayed as journalists and editors and semi-empowered and all that.
Dan, your right. Raising a kid is the hardest career/adventure(however you want to look at it) any man or woman could ever do. Not to mention, the most rewarding because you are guiding a little person into adulthood who will one day be an active member in society. It blows my mind. At times, I feel like Igal and I should have gone through schooling and tests to make sure we don't screw Ethan up!
But I think it's hardest on a woman in terms of being able to have a career and a child. I should know. I never imagined myself as a SAHM nor did I ever want to be. Honestly, most days I don't think I want to be. I wish I were in grad school right now. I worry and dream about when I can go back to school. And even then, will I ever be able to work because by the time I'm knee deep in school, we may want to try for another child. I envy those women who continue with school and go after their dreams and a career before having children.
But then again, when will they be able to have children. Will they even be able to have their own children? Society or our culture really doesn't encourage women nor help them out to be able to achieve both. They really do have you choose, because let's face it, no one can do it all. Something has to give. And a lot of times, it's the woman who gives up things, like sleep or her career or the joy of personally raising their children! I think our society has to realize that it takes both men AND women, or both moms, or both dads, to raise a child. Both should have long leave after a child is born and be able to have a flexible work schedule. Possibly even have hospital or government coordinated nanny/babysitting co-ops for parents that's relatively low cost or no cost at all. That would certainly help parents who are working or are in school. Why isn't our society family oriented and instead, goal oriented for one's personal adavancement?
I'm just thinking off the top of MY head and putting in my two cents. I am grateful for having Ethan now. I don't know why we didn't have him earlier! He's inspired me to be a better person and to care and appreciate new things in life. But, not a day goes by where I don't think about what would have happened had we waited. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
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